Origin of Depression


Nightmares of running since I was six.
Monsters chasing,hitting with sticks.
Remembering all the scenes,repeating in my dreams.
All of them were mean.
Just sitting on the shelves.
Never right.Always wrong.
But I knew I had to be strong.
Watching silent movies.
Remembering crazy thoughts.
Just a little girl.
It must have been self taught.
I've been this way so long.
Not knowing it was wrong.
Screaming out my pain.
Finding out my shames.
No one hears.
Just me and my fears.
Daddy and his belt.
Mom just turns away.
Trying to put me right.
Locking me in at night.
Just made the demons worse.
Just another verse.
Sometimes I would cry.
Sometimes I would sigh.
Sometimes I felt I should just die.
Sometimes I would say,it will all just die away.
But no,it got worse.
At nine,at twelve a curse.
At fifteen I thought it'd peak.
Some release I'd finally seek.
In my twenties I sunk deeper.
It had total control of me.
It spun me around,threw me to the ground.
No one knew,what I was going through.
Now I'm in my thirties,and I know how much it's hurt me.
But I find a way to get up still each day.
It's all mine,and it will always be mine.
I can't give it away.
It's my gift every day.
So I just embrace it.
Cause I can't erase it.
I just keep on slipping away.


sk-october 10th,1999